After months of delicate negotiations, I was finally able to get James Lipton, the host and executive producer of Inside the Actors Studio, to ask me the famous 10 questions he has asked actors and directors for the last 15 years.
JL: Now we come to that part of the post where I ask you the questions originated by the great Bernard Pivot. Are you ready?
FJ: I think so.
JL: What is your favorite word?
FJ: Yes
JL: What is your least favorite word?
FJ: Prolapse
JL: What turns you on?
FJ: My wife
JL: What turns you off?
FJ: Ignorance
JL: What sound or noise do you love?
FJ: Laughter
JL: What sound or noise do you hate?
FJ: The sound of people trying to sell me something
JL: What is your favorite curse word?
FJ: Can I say it? Fuck
JL: What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
FJ: Documentary filmmaker
JL: What profession would you not like to do?
FJ: Shrimp deveining
JL: If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
FJ: Dude!
JL: Fundamental Jelly, ladies and gentlemen.
Those are my answers. So, what are yours?
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
George Clooney just got here and he’s waiting for you over there with a tub of strawberry ice cream
Wait, so George Clooney works as a soda jerk in heaven…I could see that. Thanks, Lulu
Make mine hokey pokey!
mellifluous, slut, motor bikes, an overabundance of muscle, birds singing, babies screaming, fuck, book shop proprietor, door to door sales, welcome.
A bookseller was high on my list…cool.
JL: Now we come to that part of the post where I ask you the questions originated by the great Bernard Pivot. Are you ready?
E3H: Ch’Yeah
JL: What is your favorite word?
E3H: Serendipity
JL: What is your least favorite word?
E3H: Henrietta
JL: What turns you on?
E3H: Quantum mechanics
JL: What turns you off?
E3H: Roids
JL: What sound or noise do you love?
E3H: The sound of a door closing on a BMW 7 series
JL: What sound or noise do you hate?
E3H: Lawn maintenance noises (thank G-d for Xeriscape)
JL: What is your favorite curse word?
E3H: Sonofabitch!!
JL: What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
E3H: Astrophysicist (if only I had the aptitude)
JL: What profession would you not like to do?
E3H: Stool sample analysis technician
JL: If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
E3H: Carl Sagan is waiting for you in room 99964628294945875 and Richard Dawkins is right behind him.
JL: Elizabeth3hersh, ladies and gentlemen.
You do have a ‘thing’ for physics. I am going to send you a charm quark for your birthday.
Can you tuck it in a carbon nanotube? My daughter has been begging me for one all year.
This was an especially good post, FJ. I really enjoyed ‘peeking’ into the minds of your regular contributors and I have seen the James Lipton interviews so it was doubly delightful.
Your welcome Elizabeth, glad you stopped by as always. Cheers.
You are extra special because if you count them he actually asked you 11 questions. (Are you ready??)
Ok here goes:
JL: What is your favorite word?
B: Free
JL: What is your least favorite word?
B: Terminal
JL: What turns you on?
B: My wife (if she couldn’t she better take a hike…haha j/k honey)
JL: What turns you off?
B: Intolerance
JL: What sound or noise do you love?
B: Silence
JL: What sound or noise do you hate?
B: Silence
JL: What is your favorite curse word?
B: Crackfuck
JL: What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
B: Voice over artist (come to work in your pj’s and only work a few hours a week and still make residuals)
JL: What profession would you not like to do?
B: The guy that hosts Man vs Wild
JL: If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
B: Your family that preceeded you is at table 4.
I’ll add one.
JL: If Heaven exists, what would you NOT like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
B: Hmmm…I’m sorry, I don’t see you on my list.
Voice over artist is a good one, my second choice for that answer was narrator. “In a world of many bloggers, one man stands alone…”
JL: What is your favorite word?
JJ: happy
JL: What is your least favorite word?
JJ: sad
JL: What turns you on?
JJ: margaritas
JL: What turns you off?
JJ: lies
JL: What sound or noise do you love?
JJ: birds chirping
JL: What sound or noise do you hate?
JJ: car horns
JL: What is your favorite curse word?
JJ: Can I say it? Fuck
JL: What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
JJ: Photographer?
JL: What profession would you not like to do?
JJ: a line person in any factory
JL: If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
JJ: so what’s your fancy?
BTW….I liked your answers, FJ!
Why the question mark after photographer??
JL: What is your favorite word?
Laura: You win (2 words)
JL: What is your least favorite word?
Laura: unemployed
JL: What turns you on?
Laura: OOOH…. touch.
JL: What turns you off?
Laura: Ignorance and bigotry
JL: What sound or noise do you love?
Laura: Laughter my granddaughter Liz makes
JL: What sound or noise do you hate?
Laura: People chewing with their mouth open!
JL: What is your favorite curse word?
Laura: Fuck
JL: What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
laura: Bartender
JL: What profession would you not like to do?
Laura: Toilet cleaning
JL: If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Laura: I’ve been waiting for you
You win!!
JL: Now we come to that part of the post where I ask you the questions originated by the great Bernard Pivot. Are you ready?
PV: As ready as I can be.
JL: What is your favorite word?
PV: I have no idea.
JL: What is your least favorite word?
PV: No.
JL: What turns you on?
PV: Compassion and intelligence.
JL: What turns you off?
PV: Prejudice.
JL: What sound or noise do you love?
PV: Rain on a tin roof.
JL: What sound or noise do you hate?
PV: Bickering.
JL: What is your favorite curse word?
PV: Fuck.
JL: What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
PV: Interfaith minister.
JL: What profession would you not like to do?
PV: Accountant.
JL: If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
PV: You did good.
JL: Pamela Villars, ladies and gentlemen.
You did good PV!!
Fun!!!
JL: Now we come to that part of the post where I ask you the questions originated by the great Bernard Pivot. Are you ready?
B: I was born ready!! (Sorry, I just always wanted to say that)
JL: What is your favorite word?
B: Onomatopoeia. I just like the way it rolls off my tongue
JL: What is your least favorite word?
B: Can I say it? Mangina
JL: What turns you on?
B: Wit, Compassion, Money, Looks (not necessarily in that order)
JL: What turns you off?
B: Insensitivity, Narcissism
JL: What sound or noise do you love?
B: The sound of my friend doing her impersonation of Brenda Dickson
JL: What sound or noise do you hate?
B: The sound of the local guy loitering outside my hotel, asking if “I would like to have the sex” with him every time I walk out the door
JL: What is your favorite curse word?
B: I don’t discriminate, I enjoy them all equally
JL: What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
B: Starting up a Nonprofit in Central America
JL: What profession would you not like to do?
B: Any of the professions that 90% of the Central Americans currently have
JL: If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
B: I guess you can come in
I am with you on mangina. Too rich, I guess you can come in!!
Castigate, deglove, intelligence, stalking, my parrot having a bath, sqeaky zimmer frames, clusterfuck, travel writer, empty grease traps, it doesn’t exist.
Haha, is deglove a real word?
It’s a medical term. I don’t advise many people to look it up
Like an idiot I looked it up…you are totally right. Will you hold me!!
JL: If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
FJ: Dude!
????
I was sure it would be “Dude, where’s my groin maul.”
Haha, I considered merkin as well.
FJ – You had me at “let’s hear you talk about yourself, ad nauseum.” Nothing sucks in the bloggers like a little Q&A on our favorite subject: ourselves.
JL: What is your favorite word?
CLT: Paraphasia.
JL: What is your least favorite word?
CLT: Lawyer.
JL: What turns you on?
CLT: FJ’s wife. I mean, my wife! My wife! Sorry! I was reading the transcript and… [awkward silence] You may continue.
JL: What turns you off?
CLT: Organized religion
JL: What sound or noise do you love?
CLT: The sound of a tweaked Roland TB-303.
JL: What sound or noise do you hate?
CLT: Top 40 radio.
JL: What is your favorite curse word?
CLT: Cuntacular.
JL: What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
CLT: Superstar DJ.
JL: What profession would you not like to do?
CLT: Homosexual deprogrammer.
JL: If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
CLT: I totally dig your Bible rewrites. That’s they I had it before all those people rewrote in their own image.
[Thunderous applause.]
Copy and paste FAIL. Well, at least it still works at my blog…
You’re cool, funny list CLT. I thought about doing it for laughs, but it wasn’t that funny, so I did it straight up. Thanks amigo.
What is your favorite word?
crouton
JL: What is your least favorite word?
hate
JL: What turns you on?
Breathing
JL: What turns you off?
Not breathing
JL: What sound or noise do you love?
My daughter laughing or just happy
JL: What sound or noise do you hate?
My daughter crying or upset
JL: What is your favorite curse word?
I love them all when used correctly
JL: What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
NASCAR
JL: What profession would you not like to do?
Exotic dancing
JL: If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Son!
Sorry FJ! I over-copied!
Haha, fixed it. Funny list Dan!!
This was a brilliant idea FJ, loved it! I wasted all that time interviewing the damn gypsy when I could have been interviewing the one person who turns me on…myself. I’m not going to answer the questions here today; I think I’ll just save them to steal when nobody’s looking.
You certainly answered intelligently with the “my wife” thing. Great call there! And I agree with you; my version of heaven would also include the Big Lebowski as God.
Haha, Lebowski is God. Thanks amigo.
JL: Now we come to that part of the post where I ask you the questions originated by the great Bernard Pivot. Are you ready?
jm5: Is that a trick question?
JL: What is your favorite word?
jm5: Chupacabra
JL: What is your least favorite word?
jm5: No
JL: What turns you on?
jm5: Prime rib
JL: What turns you off?
jm5: Hamburger
JL: What sound or noise do you love?
jm5: Excellent musicians
JL: What sound or noise do you hate?
jm5: Lousy musicians
JL: What is your favorite curse word?
jm5: BullShit!
JL: What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
jm5: Astronaut
JL: What profession would you not like to do?
jm5: Sewer Rat
JL: If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
jm5: Jimi Hendrix and doctor John are waiting to jam with you three clouds over.
JL: jammer5, ladies and gentlemen.
Good list Jammer, thanks for stopping by.
What a great show!
Awesome show and it would be even better without all those damned movie stars.
I can’t wait to join in but am working on location this whole week in rain (UGH). I amy be late to the party but I will bring my best! Later bro!
This is BRILLIANT! I have to join in.
JL: Now we come to that part of the post where I ask you the questions originated by the great Bernard Pivot. Are you ready?
Damn straight.
JL: What is your favorite word?
m’row
JL: What is your least favorite word?
cunt
JL: What turns you on?
My hubby’s blue eyes
JL: What turns you off?
Stupidity
JL: What sound or noise do you love?
My kitty purring
JL: What sound or noise do you hate?
Any animal in pain
JL: What is your favorite curse word?
Fuck!
JL: What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Comedic actress
JL: What profession would you not like to do?
Prostitute
JL: If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates.
Oh, you’re just in time for dessert!
Haha, an actress…that’s cool. Thanks for playing along.