Nathan tried to pay attention, but the only word running through his head was COUGAR.
Susan felt irritable and it was only Day 3 of her master cleanse.
What people didn’t know about Yuri is that he really wanted to be a hipster.
Fundamental Jelly
Buffering….
Like Reading, Jelly is Fundamental
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Fundamental Jelly is operated, for no apparent reason and to no useful purpose, by Robert J from a small home office in Northern California. Robert J is a wildlife biologist and once witnessed a clown pick up dog poop with a spoon.
Email me at: thebobportal[at]gmail[dot]com
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It’s that game again!
but Nathan doesn’t realize Carole isn’t into that hair below his lip, nor his t-shirt, and the only thing on her mind is her 2:30 nail appointment.
Right again YnB…err Jill.
Ha ha ha and HA! FJ man, you have the supreme biting wit. I kept thinking of you in that short story – people watching – and those skills are very much alive. Funny captions and great pictures! Yuri could definately be one of the strip club Ukrainians in “Severance Pay”.
Too funny Dan, who knew.
I’m glad I live far way – I hate to think of your caption for a shot of me – you’re wicked good.
Thanks PV, no one would ever make fun of you…you’re too cool.
I was thinking the same as Pamela, glad I don’t live in your town! These are funny. I fear for your safety!
I know! But I meant really far away – Texas, so I’m safe!
41/2 stars baby! I want to play too; unfortunately you nailed them all so completely there’s nowhere left to go. I’d just love to know how you get these amazing ‘people shots.’ Every time I think about they’ll look up and notice me, and I chicken out and act like I was flipping through old pics.
Haha, I do the same thing, but still manage to get a few.
Funny captions FJ but what if these people or their family stumble across their photos?
Unlikely as not that many people really read this blog, anyway this was shot a couple of towns away from where I live.
I’m sure Yuri was in a prison film I’ve just seen.
No doubt you’re right Lulu.
I have the same concerns about these as Nurse Myra, Mr Jelly.
See reply above.
3.35pm, is that five minutes past seven bells or am I still confused?
You’re totally not confused SE, as always.
It’s five knots past seven bells. Or about 1.3 Twains.
Poor Nathan. what he doesn’t realize is that he has bigger problems.
Because you see, unknown to Nathan, directly behind him and just a smashed window away, Lupus was yet again wearing his fake goatee and fake ball cap and fantasizing on ways to kill Nathan.
“He’s in my clutches now, haha” he yelped and then chortled and finally murmured to himself and himself alone, “and when I’m done with him I’m going to…”
It was then that Nathan noticed Susan in the panel below. He stopped. He thought his heart would explode and shoot blood all the way to his fantasizing brain, rendering him insane with the new love object of his life. She wasn’t just a vision. She was reading. Reading on a leather couch.
Lupus removed his fake goatee and replaced it with a pallid grin. He then grinned a pallid grin and replaced his fake ball cap with a real top hat.
“Screw Nathan,” he cackled, “This Susan woman is the cougar of my dreams.”
Unzipping his fly and making most everyone reading this suddenly uncomfortable, Nathan then noticed Yuri below.
“Yuri!” he cried out. “Is that you, you delightfully rude spammer? I thought you were in prison.”
Yuri glanced up, uncrinkled his menacing scowl, winked at his friend and then merrily shouted, “Мы постарались все представить в нужной форму.На сайтепстарались все представить в жнойyoutubeнужной постара представить в нужной форму. постарались все!
.
“Hahaha, Oh, Yuri,” Lupus roared, “You’re a delightfully foul mouthed spammer, and yes, I’ll let Susan know about your hipster grade B ice cream detoxification unit. I’m sure she’d be interested.”
Yuri gave his old friend a heart thumbs up and reminded him, “пстарались все представить в жнойyoutubeнужной постара представить в нужной форму. Постаралис!
”
“Ha, ha,” Lupus laughed heartily because it felt like the right thing to do, “Indeed Yuri,” he bellowed, “fucking cod! Fucking cod.”
AT is close to his next dose of happy medication…
Haha, the backstory we needed. I forgot about Yuri and his previous comments on your blog back in the day (last July). Those were the days. So in that spirit I thought I would recycle a comment I made on your blog. I tried to get Al Gore to approve this recycling project but he didn’t have the time. He use to approve them for me when he was between meals and did some work, but apparently the time between meals in virtually gone.
Okay, I just clocked-in, sorry I’m a little late but my Aunt Judy was hit by a meteorite…no permanent damage thank god.
So, what do we have going on…pithy comments, snide remarks, spam, eclectic references to obscure bands and philosophers, non-standard genitalia, Yuri, Ms. Bodsworth, BKT, CLT, some fucking guys, sight gags, vintage merkins, etc, etc. I’ll be fine.
Oh Alan, I thought we’d be using the latest version of the Commenters Manual. That pdf you sent me is not only an old version of the manual, but its missing pages. I am missing pages on handjobs, twine, the Krebs Cycle, and anal fissures. ‘Prolapse’ is STILL misspelled. It’s just frustrating.
Another thing, at our Commenters Safety Meeting this morning someone mentioned ‘Hummingbird Cake’ recipes. I shouldn’t be hearing these things at the safety meeting, that’s what ‘Commenter’s Report’ is for. Sorry if I’m breaking your balls Alan, but I think you need to know.
I guess you know the Moderation Committee is considering altering the ‘Riff Standard.’ Its always been six alternating responses within 40 minutes that constitutes a Riff. They now want to make it 8 within 45 minutes. This is crazy, we’re not instant messaging here, I thought we agreed to not buy into this whole texting meme. It’s all FYI Alan…I hope this helps.
Anyway, I’m going on break now.
P.S.
Did we ever resolve that “is it a podium or dais” question??
P.P.S
Just so you know, since we can’t get any answers in a timely manner, we are going with ‘Pussy Comb-over’ instead of merkin for the time being…I know, I know, but we did it on the fly.
Comment sent via Milson’s Severed Cattle Parts and Internet Processing. Serving web goddesses with tattoos of turtles and fat nerds with really large shorts since Al Gore gave us exclusive rights to the whole internet as long as we agree to admit that the earth is melting…which we totally fucking do. Think Internet, Think Milson’s (don’t think Parson’s, they suck and copy too much)
Ha! Belive it or not, the above comment was one of the reasons I began stalk…er following you.
Those days last July really were the days, weren´t they? Life was simpler back then…Alan Truitt was working at Hamish, Cougars wore more “hunt-appropriate” attire, hell, even coffee tasted more like coffee and not this crap Susan can`t touch for another 7 stinking days.
Muy divertido, FJ. Por serio.
Nice.
Thanks RR.
But what everyone knew about Yuri was that he was definitely a hit man.
Couple more comments:
I’d probably look as irritable as Susan if I was reading something that looked like that, and I was also sitting on that uncomfortable couch.
One day, Nathan is going to stumble across this, and he’s going to say, “Oh Gawd! That was my MOM, dude!” Then he’ll try to get his own show on Food Network.
Hey Josh, reality TV is the logical next step as always.
I like Yuri. He’s looks like the kind of guy you could sell a bunch of stuff to, none of which he would understand. Like an iTablet or some such bullshit. Or Sagat’s Guide to Tattoo Parlors and Pierceries.
It is nice to see you waving about your nearly outdated “Commenting Guidelines.” We pretty much rewrote the rules after an unsuccessful coup attempt during Alan’s interminable vacation. In order to have a successful coup, you apparently need:
1) Committed individuals.
2) Someone to overthrow.
With neither of these key elements present, we agreed to disagree with Alan and then went our separate ways, to tend our own lawns and be generally respectable.
It’s a quiet life, much like one you would find in Japan or by Japan, with only the occasional “blowing the hinges off the comment thread door with a tactical shotgun that fires words” moment to break the eerie calm.
So CLT, will you be planting cherry tomatoes this spring??
Are they a key ingredient in Hummingbird Pie?
(Pardon me while I bone up on the inside jokes and cross-references in Appendix D-2, which tends to be rather self-referential rather than useful. This may take awhile.)
Your captions give the photos that extra punch. They seem like the type of images you would find printed on anti-Hallmark greeting cards you’d find in artsy shops.
Welcome Liana, that’s kinda what I was shooting for. Thanks, hope to see you again.