A couple walking their dog (the man is speaking as we pass by)
“Ham, ham, or maybe it was beef, no it was probably ham.”
A joke told by one man to another man while standing in line at Starbucks
“I’ll probably screw up the punchline, okay, uh, so a priest, a cowboy, and a rabbi walk into a bar and the bartender looks up at them and says, ‘Get the fuck out here.” Hahahahahaha.
The other guy smiles and nods his head, “Nice.”
A man talking on his mobile phone in a building lobby
“Right, the unit’s fried, yea, let me talk to James.”
“Jimmy, hey I need you to check and see if we have a Larson Y809.
“09.”
“Oh niner”
“No, the one that comes without the shield collar.”
“Right.”
“That’s bullshit Jimmy, we had at least three left over from 17 North.”
That’s all I could remember.
A conversation I had with my wife last week
“Can you see it”, I asked. “What is that?”
“I don’t know, looks like a mosquito bite.”
“Mosquito bite?”
“That’s what it looks like.”
“There?”
“What do you want me to say, you do wander around naked quite a bit.”
“That’s not…”
“Sweety, come on, pull your pants up, the carpet people will be here any minute.”
“Oh, right.”
Hoo Haa Heep Hagh!
No, that’s just not working…
Hee hee…
Nope, it’s been done.
Hahaha…
There it is.
So? …Was it a mosquito bite? Or a rattlesnake bite? Or some sort of combo?
And just where was it, by the way?
Last week I overheard my neighbour in his backyard say, “God, I hate that weirdo next door.”
I think he was talking about the old man who lives beside him. His name is Nick. He’s about 80 years old and is always sitting on his porch quietly reading books and sipping tea. Yeah, he’s a weird one, that Nick…
Cheers Clownpenis Hahaha Merkin Nerk!
On my bum.
So you have carpet people??? I have drape monkeys! They scare the hell out of me!
Like clowns only more drapey and monkey like.
First of all, that asshat in Starbucks stole my best joke.
Second, if you are getting bumps, rashes, or general discomfort, I would immediately see your doctor. Neither one of us knows where that spam has been!
Lastly I don’t think ‘carpet people’ is very nice. They prefer to be called little people, or even dwarfs, but never, ever carpet people.
Disgusting carpet people, damn things breed in the crawl spaces.
You wander around naked alot? Really? At home, out on the job? what? You have kids? Is your wife walking around naked too?
We already learned yesterday that you go commando all the time..except in your good suit.. guess it’s the drycleaning costs huh?
p.s. I love your headers…
Haha, thanks df.
That starbucks guy did screw up the punchline.
Priest, Cowboy, and a Rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks at the Cowboy, turns to the preist and rabbi and says…”How the hell am I supposed to make a joke out of this…bring back the monk.”
Haha. I love the first one!! Ridiculously funny!
)
Thanks Juicer.
The first guy got it all wrong, it was chicken.
Do you work for Foster Farms?
Maybe it was hambeef.
ps. Thanks for the visual
Was it overshare??
No, I think it’s just a personal thing…I was once attacked by a guy who made shield collars for a living.
You had shield collar PTSD no doubt. My heart goes out to you Bs.
FJ, could you find that guy again who needed the Larson Y809? I have two on ebay right now, one with a shield collar and one without. I really need to sell those! Can you help me out here? T
Ha
Who likes merchandise? Alan’s got his. And now, FJ: here’s one for you. Your own personal line drawing that pithily (real word?) encapsulates your blog. You may find it precocious and lacking in color. Or you may find that it only highlights certain aspects and is therefore meaningless. Or you may find that it would look good mounted and framed between your diploma and restraining order(s).
Enjoy.
http://capitalistliontamer.wordpress.com/files/2009/07/fj.jpg
Brilliant, bravo, bravo. I am totally honored and I love it. Thanks CLT, you’ve out done yourself….was that possible???…FUCK YEA!!
We always knew Mr. Dr. Sir Capitalist Lion Tamer, Esq. was the master at the “art of comments” but he’s really taken it to the next level.
Fabulous work my friend!
Here here!!
Maybe it was a scorpion?
Hmmm nah. The carpet people bit your ass, FJ.
They got a bigger bite than I had hoped.
I know you’re going to call me a liar, but I am a huge fan of the random, tandem, conversation. I’m eating this stuff up.
That dude is full of shit though… they don’t make a Larson Y809 without the shield collar. He wants the J-19, but they don’t make them anymore. You can only get them in Hong Kong.
The infamous J-19. Its a pop culture icon, how could I have missed it?? Nice catch RR.
I always talk loudly in public in case anyone should want to quote me on a page like this.
Hey Domino, for the record, thanks for stopping by.