Call me Ishmael. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. I am an invisible man. Most of us are familar with these iconic opening novel lines because we have read these books or saw them in a Jeopardy category. So, I thought I might provide you with a little literary diversion on this fine Saturday afternoon. What follows is ten opening lines. Four of which are from well known novels written by famous authors, two from slightly more obscure novelists, and four lines which I have made up myself. The goal is twofold—to identify as many opening lines as you can and/or at least try to spot the sham lines I have written. I realize that Google has rendered amusements like this almost moot, but try finding the phoneys without wandering off into cyberspace.
- It was the day my grandmother exploded.
- Even now, after all that has happened, she still could not tell me who the father was.
- For a long time I would go to bed early.
- In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since.
- I am seated in an office, surrounded by heads and bodies.
- Every Friday morning, in good weather or bad, Alice would walk to the library and read the morning newspaper and eat peanuts.
- A screaming comes across the sky.
- There was a new sound coming from the garage next door.
- All this happened, more or less.
- Before the British left, even then, the gardens in the village looked sad.
That’s it, take your best shot. The answers will appear at the end of the comment thread. Enjoy the holiday.
dude dad! you forgot “Marley was dead, to begin with.” good job.
Nice. I didn’t forget though, just couldn’t fit it in.
Nice try, FJ. Those are ALL real quotes. You’re just trying to fool us. Anyway, my point is I know them all.
1. It was the day my grandmother exploded. (Dante’s Inferno)
2. Even now, after all that has happened, she still could not tell me who the father was. (Debbie Does Dallas – The Book!)
3. For a long time I would to bed early. (God is not Great by Mr. Christopher Hitchens)
4. In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since. (I Had Trouble In Getting to Solla Sollew by Dr. Seuss)
5. I am seated in an office, surrounded by heads and bodies. (My Life by Alan Truitt)
6. Every Friday morning, in good weather or bad, Alice would walk to the library and read the morning newspaper and eat peanuts. (Alice, the Peanut Eating Librarian by Mordecai Richler)
7. A screaming comes across the sky (How To Grill Food by Barbecue Chef Louis Pickford).
8. There was a new sound coming from the garage next door. (The Day Billy Was Mauled To Death by the Dogs in the Garage Next Door written by Aisin-Gioro Pu Yi)
9. All this happened, more or less. (How to Pick Up Chicks by Studly Doright)
10. Before the British left, even then, the gardens in the village looked sad. (The Collected Poems of Kitty Kelly)
What do I win?
Riot Alan, you win the Fundy Award—which goes to the most creative commenter…which means you beat CLT to the punch.
He’ll be here soon to steal my thunder. Last week he stole my best girl.
I’m standing right here, alantru.
Right here.
*sigh*
My first laugh of the day comes way of BKT!
A true riot! Perhaps even a Tru Riot. I’m not even going to try to top that.
But enjoy the Fundy while you can, Williams. The photos run tomorrow.
And I won’t steal your thunder. I’m in the girl-stealing business now, apparently. I didn’t really steal her. I just borrowed her. Indefinitely. Without your knowledge or permission.
I just said something classy to her like, “You’re with me, leather,” and it was on.
The photos…?
http://fundamentaljelly.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/alantru.jpg
Like that photo, only more sexful. With a Symbionese Lesbian Army slant.
alantru you’re wrong about #8. It’s from Tom Wait’s fabulous song “What’s He Building In There?”
I love that song nursemyra, and BTW I stood behind Tom in a Sonoma County grocery store once…he was buying booze.
Does that mean I have to give back my Fundy Award?
No, you keep it, Nursie was not correct on her comment, though I could see why she would say that, there is a simulative quality about them.
I’m not as well-read as I thought I was. But I am head over heels in love with Kurt Vonnegut. He is my hero, my inspiration, my idol.
I will now take a moment of silence during which to contemplate his greatness. (All this happened, more or less.)
The sad thing is “it was the best of times” was the only one I knew.
Wow. I need to read more! I guess I listen to enough music though because I knew the Tom Waits Line from, “What’s he building in there??” If you would have done lines from ANY Sponge Bob episode though, I would nail it! This is a great exercise FJ! Keep it coming.
Thanks Timm…and SpongeBob rules BTW. Cheers.
Wow, Ok, Give us the answers FJ. I’m really bad at this. I’m sending my own first sentences as a peace offering.
1) I can’t die like this.
2) “Ty honey, I’m getting married!” His voice was strange, almost like when he was drunk, except he didn’t slur his words.
3) She was leaving, and Thomas Benson didn’t know it yet, but he was going to help her.
Hey Claire, thanks for the REAL ones. I will put up answers tomorrow.
Here are the answers:
1. “The Crow Road” by Iain M Banks
2. Me
3. “Swann’s Way” by Marcel Proust
4. “The Great Gatsby” by F. Scott Fitzgerald
5. “Infinite Jest” by David Foster Wallace
6. Me
7. “Gravity’s Rainbow” by Thomas Pynchon
8. Me
9. “Slaughterhouse-Five” by Kurt Vonnegut
10. Me
Thanks.
Yours were really good!
Gee, thanks Alan.
Wow FJ,
Yours are good.
You know novels are written one word at a time, right? You’ve already got one of the hardest parts done. So, what are the second sentences for your first sentences?
Thanks Claire, but what about the third, fourth, fifth……there’s too many sentences.