So, last night, my best friend Timm (T) and I (R), at the gentle suggestion of our significant others, attended a real wine tasting event. It was a classic shi shi event peopled with obnoxious lawyers, orthodontists, and their phony wives sporting fake boobs (27 by our count) and it was all a bit much. Early on we decided to go all out and provide a running commentary (a la Wine Spectator) on the wines we tasted. What follows is a recap of our reviews.
Wine No. 1 - Merlot
- R: Impertinent
- T: Sassy
- R: Impetuous
- T: Capricious
- R: Brazen
- T: Pure chutzpah
- R: More like beer really
- T: Good with hot dogs
Wine No. 2 - Pinot Noir
- T: Sweet nose
- R: Sublime nose
- T: Fine legs
- R: Great legs
- T: Nice tits
- R: Awesome tits
- T: What’s not to like?
- R: Nothing
Wine No. 3 - Zinfandel
- R: Vile bouquet and I think blackcurrant
- T: A nose of toasty oak and excrement
- R: Yeasty
- T: Chlamydia undertones
- R: Wet dog aroma
- T: Two wet dogs
- R: Four legs
- T: Lassie compliant
- R: Probably poisonous
- T: Note to self, call Orkin
Wine No. 4 - Cabernet Sauvignon
- R: Big nose
- T: Huge nose
- R: Three nostils
- T: Finish is revolting and long
- R: Too long
- T: My finish is starting over again
- R: Here, try my tongue scrapper
- T: Hemingway wouldn’t drink it
- R: Hemingway did drink it
- T: Touche, my brother
I find the Pinot a little Gallbladderish for my taste. And what’s up with the extra “m” on “Timm”
It’s like Thom. It’s either pretentious, or European… wait, are they the same thing?
Actually, I have taken some literary license here, as his name has 3 Ms.
27 fake boobs. One of them was really gi-nor-mous then, right?
You’re right of course, I’m thinking recount.
What, no chablis?
Ha ha ha… Loverly!
Thanks, Alan. I am thinking that a wine tasting might be a great ‘team building’ exercise at Hamish Industries.
I like it. During our last team builder, I ended up branded as a “blue triangle.” Something tells me that adding wine to the mix means this time I’ll end up scraping with Farook… Or worse, Typhoid Mildred.
By blue triangle, I assume your referring to full contact nude twister. Am I wrong?
Hah. Spoken like a true academic. I’m assuming this is a Swiftian reference that is going over my head?
I actually was referring to when we had our Office Personality Colors and shapes done at Hamish Industries… But I suspect you are just toying with me…
Its not Swift, but a subtle reference to an obscure poem (in the original German) by Rilke…***NOT***. I apparently missed that post, poor scholarship on my part. I will check it out.
Oh you taupe trapezoids and your Rilkian references!
So, everyone ELSE was obnoxious and pretentious? Puh-leeze. And how dare you knock God’s gift to mankind – fake boobage.
(Having said that, it was an awesome party, wasn’t it? The caviar was to DIE for! Shame I had to leave early to prep for a case Monday).
A total shame, you missed the grilled haloumi cheese and risotto croquettes.
No Thunderbird or Night Train?
That was probably what we were drinking.
chlamydia undertones???
I’ll stick to shiraz thanks
ROFL! Riot!
Thanks Archie for stopping by.
Had dinner last night with Timm at his mom’s house for my mom’s birthday. Had some of the aforementioned wine. So happy Timm guided me here.
Cheers, BawldGuy (Jeff). Good to hear from you. Tell Timm to call me!!
Can’t Call. I am still recovering from the Malbec shared with Bawldguy! It was a wonderful wine, it had an essence of socialism (started to take over the whole meal!)
Don’t drink the Kool-Aid.