A few weeks ago my company hired a new woman to work in our Administrative Services Department. You can read about our first meeting here. Since then I have tried to get to know Paula some and have kidded with her to make her feel welcome. It turns out she is quite an unusual conversationalist and, if not the originator, certainly the co-inventor of the ‘awkward silence.’ I am not saying she is ditzy, hell she can clear a paper jam like a marine stripping an M16 during a firefight, but she does seem to wander off in the weeds while you’re talking to her.
Here a short example of a conversation we had this morning.
Me: How are you doing, Paula?
Paula: Is something wrong?
Me: No, I mean, how are things going?
Paula: Good, pretty good, I guess.
Me: So what’s your family heritage, Paula?
Paula: Ohio, and oh, mainly Ohio.
Me: No, I mean like your cultural background, like are you Italian or Turkish, you know.
Paula: Oh, well my dad’s family is German and my mom’s is, oh, I think German too.
Me: Wow, that’s pretty German. Do you ever wake up in morning and have a strong urge to invade Poland?
Paula: (insert long pause here) No, what, that’s like in Europe or something.
Me: Right, I just kidding around with you.
Paula: Okay (long pause), well I have to check my emails now.
Me: Sure, by all means.
Yes, Paula is now an official goldmine and I plan to have many more conversations with her.
So that’s like Ohio, Germany right? Must go there one day…..
Ja
You’re a brave man to search her out for more conversations. I think if I saw Paula coming I’d duck behind a photocopier.
She’s thinking “why is this guy who I am obviously not interested in keep hitting on me”
Honestly, I have no I idea what she is thinking.
Tough to detect what is clearly absent. What a unique opportunity though – a completely blank matrix of gray matter on which to imprint your thoughts, dreams, aspirations, & intellectual meanderings… but, wait, what of the ethics? Is it wrong to promote one’s own agenda in the face of such obvious vulnerability? What of the potentially irreversible psychological damage? What if it backfires? Could it be that you will be responsible for a catastrophic regression from which she can never recover????? Naaaaahhhhhhh!
SHE’S ALIVE!!!! Good to hear your ample brain hum. Thanks for stopping by, weight in more often, we need it. And yes, I do feel sotra like Dr. Frankenstein or is it Svengali?
Still, we have no idea what she looks like. How am I supposed to know whether to love her or mock her?
She is the one with giant horse teeth and if I remember correctly you said, “I’d hit that.” Really, she’s heinous though.
Oh yeah, the horse teeth chick.
I’d still hit that.
She be perfect for state government.
Can you picture this lady working the desk (or phone for that matter) at DMV?
I can’t go there, G
I’d exercise some caution in asking these types of questions. It could be viewed as contributing to a poisoned work environment. I’d also recommend avoiding any conversations that might include a reference to age, sexual orientation, political affiliation, religion, physical appearance or educational background. As a rule, and to be safe, it wiser to just grunt, nod or wave to co-workers and forgo any attempt at verbal communication.
Clearly, my new path.
why does everyone named paula have a deficiency?
God only knows, but its a fact of nature.
Wouldn’t a better analogy be, a stupid tree from which I will continue to harvest or maybe pick fruit?
Even better. Thanks for stopping by.