Despite the dire economic times, the company I work for decided to hire a new person in our Administrative Services Division. I was out of the office the day that interviews were held for the position, so I had yet to meet this new person–which was, in fact, a woman named Paula. Tina, the Director of Administrative Services told us about the new hire at yesterday’s staff meeting (we call them staph meetings).
So, this morning I’m sitting in my cube staring at my coffee cup and thinking about waterboarding, when I hear Tina say, “Robert, I’d like you to meet our new hire, Paula.” I got up and shook hands with her and welcomed her to the company. She smiled. Whoa, I was immediately struck by the sheer size of her two top front teeth, which were by any definition huge. I couldn’t stop staring at them. They looked like two large, translucent cloves of garlic glistening with a thin patina of saliva; this was not natural dentition. Honestly, these were teeth that any self-respecting horse would be proud of. I offered her a sugar cube that was sitting on my desk, but she declined and then they both left. I sat back down in my chair and noticed that Paula had left two plum-sized road apples on the floor at the entrance to my cube. I chocked this up to nerves, it being her first day and all. If she craps in my cubicle again though, I’m totally going to take her to task.
I conned Tina into sending me the jpeg of Paula’s office photo. This is her here. I think she still looks a bit nervous in this photo.
Yeah, I would hit that. Stop being so picky.
My standards do get in the way.
We have a band that plays at our annual retreat that goes by the name Staff Infection.
Speaking of nerdy comments, at our Pacific Region retreat afterparty (there are 14 of us), somebody claimed that water had inadvertently gotten into the tequila. Our resident herp guy tasted it, and said that he would have to slap a FONSI on that guy’s ass. We all had a huge laugh, “yeah, that’s an EA fo sho!” and really bad stuff like that.
You just made a Statement of Overriding Consideration. See its still bad stuff.
I fear horses intensely. I fear their notebook-sized teeth, their vast blank eyes, their metal-shod hooves and their monstrous dung.
Would it be bad form to send the new girl to the glue factory on a ‘secret assignment’?
WIB, It’s a thought, but I don’t think she’d fall for it. You see, she’s pretty skittish and she’s never been cubicled before. Maybe later after she is broke-in.
hey…can you introduce me?
[...] new woman to work in our Administrative Services Department. You can read about our first meeting here. Since then I have tried to get to know Paula some and have kidded with her to make her feel [...]